Saturday, 6 October 2012

Sexualisation Is Not Love.

Sexualisation does not correlate with love. 

I've found a number of social networking accounts sexualising black women. On Twitter, I find tweets discussing how full our lips are, how big our bums are and how beautiful our skin glistens in the sun. I can't disagree with that. Women are beautiful beings but there is so much more to us than just that.

I've noticed that a lot of women are in support of guys who sexualise women (or black women in this case). I suppose it's because they view the comments as compliments and compliments are nice. 

I frown upon the way women support guys who sexualise them because I want people to not just see that I am sexy, beautiful, attractive etc. I want people to see that I am intelligent, outspoken and caring too: aspects of my personality need to be appreciated as well. 

I'm completely against the sexualisation of women (even though it's an integral part of society since we live in a patriarchal world). But why am I so against it? Well: 

  • Your physical appearance is temporary. Hit a certain age, have kids or pick up bad habits and everything will go south. 
  • Your physical appearance is subjective. One guy may think you're the best thing since sliced bread, the other guy may think you resemble Cruella de Vil. 
  • Many guys will pay you compliments just to get you into bed and will kick you out when they're done entering you. 
  • There is so much more to women than physical appearance. We are educators, presidents, scientists, CEO's. We are thinkers, revolutionaries, leaders and warriors. There is more to us than just looks. 
Don't get me wrong, I do like compliments. 

I'd be lying if I said I'm never flattered when a guy compliments me or women who look like me. Compliments are nice. Approval is nice. Basically, it's always nice to get compliments, but my confidence and self-esteem do not depend on them. I don't need compliments to continue loving myself.

Black women have been sexualised for centuries and even to this day, black women are heavily sexualised in the entertainment industry (particularly in music videos). Sex sells. But continuous sexualisation of us, makes people think and believe that we are good for one thing only; sex. It is not a good thing. My aspirations and sights are set higher than that.

Sexualisation is not love. 

Sexualisation is lust and not love. Love and lust are two completely different things. Sexualisation focuses on the physical appearance of the person concerned. It focuses on how they look, not on how they think.

We live at a time when women have more rights and more freedom than ever before. Sexualising us and deeming us as just good enough to look at and masturbate over, ignores our capabilities in many different areas of life. You can sexualise me and appreciate my body, but you will never think that I'm good enough to make something of myself. 

Your love means nothing if the only thing you love is her body.

He may love her hips and her lips but if he doesn't love how she thinks, how she acts... who she is... that's not love

You can love our bodies, but don't forget to love our minds too. Preach about how we look, but also preach about our minds too. Women need to be appreciated and loved for more.